finding it all.

Did you know that only 20% of teenagers maintain their relationship with God after graduating from high school? that the other 80% either fall away or just don't have as great of a relationship as before? Well, those are the stats are continually being thrown my way.

You want to know something else? I had already accepted that I would be in the 80%.
Me: the singer in the worship band, the member of the youth group leadership team, the church member, the Jesus lover, the girl who has been branded "Katie the Christian" for the duration of high school.

I needed a break.

I was burned out, broken, and ready for a change. And I had decided: college would be that break. I was counting down the days until I left my youth group, the days until I left my house and was able to skip out on church and sleep in on Sunday mornings.

It wasn't something I was proud of, just something that I had accepted. I wasn't shouting this from the rooftops or even simply telling people, I kept it to myself and just waited.

I had prayed that I would be filled again, that I would feel that passion again. That something would happen to make me want Jesus again... but nothing did. And it grew convenient, I didn't need to talk to Jesus, I didn't need to consider Him in my decisions.

But then, I started to miss who I had been once before. Who I had been for my entire life. I miss that girl more than anything. I want to be her again.

So I waited.

Then came Andrew. He probably doesn't know this yet, but he's changed me. Anyone who meets Andrew can immediately tell he's different. He can make even the most adament non-believer see the possibilities of Christ, because of the way he loves people, he just reaches out to those who need a friend the most. And that's what he did for me.

Andrew started sharing his struggles with me. Listening to him made me see that it was okay to be open about it all. I could tell someone what was going on in my mind and heart. Or rather, what wasn't going on and I felt something inside of me changing, like something was waking up after being gone for a long long time.


So I told him. I told him that I felt burned out and alone, that I had just kind of accepted the I would be apart of that 80%. And he just listened.

Then, this past Sunday, I had a Bible Study at Starbucks with my friends Andrew, Nicole, James, and Aaron, where we read over the first two chapters of James and broke bread with each other. It was amazing! I felt alive for the first time in years. I wanted to learn about Jesus, I wanted to talk about Him and read His word and love Him and others with all my heart.

Talking to Andrew has made me realize that I can share my struggles, so I am. Right here, right now, I'll put them into words.

I keep on going from one extreme to the other; jumping from satisfaction with life to being completely shattered, feeling like I have no one in the world. For a long while, I felt like I didn't have any friends, and even if I did, they weren't good friends, not people I could talk to. No one to listen. I felt empty and alone, and when I would try to reach out to someone, they would shut me down, not take me seriously, or simply leave me hanging. I needed a friend. I needed someone to love me, need me, and listen to me.

And in the past four days, I have gotten that. God has given me new friends like Andrew and Nicole, and helped me renew my old friendships, like that with James, so that they're new in Christ. I don't feel as alone as I did just days ago.

So thank you. Thank you God, for renewing my heart.
I know this is only the beginning, and
I can't wait to see what will happen.