this day on

Today was not a high point in my life.
I try not to be dramatic, I try not to make too
much out of nothing, I try.
But I'm a teenager, and everything piles up
and eventually, it reaches that point
when everything just caves in on itself..
Today was that point.

Talking to James, over the course of
about 3 or more hours, I realized how bitter
I am. I harbor resentments in my heart
that should be let go of.
But James also helped me see how
I shouldn't necessarily trust everyone
because they say they're sorry and
try to make things right; there's a
difference between forgiving and forgetting.
and I haven't forgotten...
I wish I could. I wish things could
be the same for us, but they just can't.
I'm sorry. I try to still be there,
to be active in our friendships, but I
can feel my heart straying away...

Eventually, I'll have to cut those
bruised and rotten parts out of my life,
but not today. I imagine graduation will
take care of that for me.
and boy, am I ready to graduate
and move onto another part of my life.
I'm ready for new places, new faces,
new chances; a fresh start.

But from this day on, I refuse to be walked
all over. I refuse to be lied to. I refuse to
accept anything less than what I deserve.
I refuse to be involved in relationships
that are more give than take...
because those are the relationships
that leave me feeling empty and spent.

So, I'm begging you.. please don't use me.
Please don't take advantage of me.
I trust too easily, don't break me,
because I'm quite a bit empty,
and I imagine I could crack quite easily.