saying 'i love you'

She says baby

It's 3 am I must be lonely

When she says baby

Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes

Says the rain's gonna wash away I believe it

(3 AM, Matchbox Twenty)

At 1 o'clock, I sat on my bed talking to a comforting friend.

At 2 o'clock, I got up and took a shower to wash it all away.

Now it's 3 am, and I'm sitting on my bathroom floor wishing for sleep.

But I can't sleep, and it's because of one thing: love.

That horribly wonderful little thing that turns the whole world upside down.

Well the whole world doesn't have to turn, because I've fallen.

--even though it's not convenient, even though it hurts, and even though I know I'll have to say goodbye in the end (and the end always arrives much too soon), I have fallen.

This is the type of love that I can't help, I've fallen when I didn't want to and it caught me by surprise.

I've fallen into heartache and tears, but I'd rather be crying with him than smiling with anyone else.

So this is love. This feeling of intense connection and heartache mingled into something I feel I don't even have a choice about.

When I saw the break of day

I wished that I could fly away

Instead of kneeling in the sand

Catching teardrops in my hand

(Don’t Know Why, Norah Jones)

But I wouldn't trade it, this feeling, because I genuinely believe it is better to have loved and lost than… well, we all know that saying. And although it's terribly clichéd, I also know it's true.

So maybe this insomnia is simply a sign that my first love is truly something… he keeps drawing me in. And I know that when we say goodbye, though it won't be forever, it will hurt awfully hard.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that

you're everything I think I need here on the ground.

But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.

The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.

Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

(Gravity, Sara Bareilles)

so in the end, I guess it comes down to this one little thing:

I love you.

1 4 3

graduation.

High school is over. I've done it! The diploma that was 13 years in the making has finally been reached and I can now enter the big, bad world. Looking back, I see how many people shaped my future and guided me to this place -- my friends, my family, my teachers, my church, my world.

&I can't believe it's over. But it really truly is. Never again shall I step foot in Health Careers High School as a student. And while it feels like a great victory, it also feels like a great loss; Health Careers was my home for 4 years. Four years full of love, hate, victory, loss, hope, despair, hard work, ambition, and determination. I hated it there, but came to love it because of the challenge -- the challenge to make it a place I knew and belonged.

but I know where I'm meant to be, what I'm meant to do, and how I'll get there.

the answer is: social work.

but that whole ideal is to be continued.