army of love.

this weekend was so incredibly... refreashing.

I went to the Student Life Conference with my youth 

group in Houston and it was amazing.

my soul feels renewed, and challenged, and

drawn in, up, and out; it feels puzzled and

questioning and alive. ALIVE.

truly alive.

because I remember.

I finally remember who I used to be.

and I remember my first true love (my God)

whom I have forsaken.

I remember the height from which I have

fallen. and it shatters me.

I remember the love and peace I felt,

the confidence I had because of God

and the desire I had for Him.

I remember the friends He blessed me

with in that time in my life, and the

opportunities He opened up for me.

I remember that the only reason I got

to be where I am now, so separated from

God is solely my fault; that God has

been waiting for me to remember.

I remember.

and it feels amazing.

I also feel challenged because this weekend, 

I really felt a calling resounding in my heart.

it was like God opened up my soul and

whispered "I know you want to go to Africa,

but go in MY name. do it for ME, and you will

prosper. there will be a way eventually."

I don't want to go into missions.

I have emphatically said that.

I don't know why, but the idea of missions

doesn't appeal to me although the idea

of doing international humanitarian work

does, I have declared over and over, 

that I plan on doing humanitarian work-

not missions!

but apparently, my plan isn't how it's going

to work- He has a completely different 

idea about this whole thing than I do.

and to quote (or paraphrase) Francis Chan from this weekend,

"God created the universe and He has His way

of doing things, YOU may have a better way of doing things,

but you don't have a universe."

it's finally dawning on me though-

my heart belongs in a place I've never been.

it belongs with people I've never met.

and I wasn't the one to give it away,

that was all on His part.

I found this picture tonight and really, 

isn't she beautiful? who wouldn't want to do their part

to help the people she represents?

I am in an army of love,

we are spreading the truth to the world.

and I am, you are, we are the kingdom of God.

isn't it wonderful?

official

I will be attending Abilene Christian University in the fall of 2009.

it is official. officially official. :)

my mom and dad wrote out my enrollment deposit check

last week and mailed it in.

now, all I have to do is wait.

wait for college.

because heaven knows, high school sucks.

in the meantime, I'm getting really excited about all

of the preparations that go into college-

finding all of my dorm stuff,

meeting my roommate,

find out what dorm I'll be in...

there's so much. 

and I can't wait for it to start.

OH! and p.s. I'll be heading up to Abilene tomorrow with my mom

to interview for ACU's Presidential Scholarship for full tuition.

I think I can get it, but I'm not getting my hopes up...