one. fog.

I am one.

One person in the midst of billions.

but sometimes, I forget about the billions,

not that they're forgettable, but they

simply slip my mind. I find myself

forgetting there are people

on the other side of world, in places

I can only dream of seeing.

it's just so hard to imagine 

all of the people in this world;

so I forget about them

unfortunately and

unintentionally.

. . .

The fog.

it closes in on me.

I feel stiffled,

strangled, shoved,

and stowed away.

it hides me, covers me,

keeps me away from the

world. it blurs my vision,

obscurs my views and 

makes me think through 

what I see. it awakens me,

threatens me, and awes me

in ways the rain sometimes

fails to. because the fog is

full, content, and vague.

my heart wants to explode

"I need Africa more than Africa needs me."

these words have just changed my whole day around,

changed my whole mindset around and have

caused to consider life.

I need Africa

more than Africa

needs me.

I have long felt my heart drawn towards the people of Africa.

I haven't been very open about it, but I feel as though some

part of me already belongs with them. I want to help them,

I need to help them. But why?

Is it because of all the hurt and disease?

the poverty and loss of opportunity?

perhaps.

or perhaps it's just me.

I need Africa.

i NEED africa.

it's as simple as that.

I don't see myself as a missionary,

I don't think that's the right path for my life,

but I definitely see Africa in my future.

I have honestly considered the Peace Corp for

years now and I think that might be the way.

Go into Africa, working with those stricken by

HIV and AIDS, give of myself in ways I can't

even imagine. Love them, love them, love them.

the eyes of the children, maybe that's what draws me in.

or perhaps it's the joy despite all the hardships.

the dancing, the beauty, the simplicity and the

misery of it all. I need Africa.

this past year, I have realized just how blessed I am;

I live in a wonderful home. I am healthy, I have

running water and electricity- that is an absolute miracle!

why am I not more grateful?

I have so much, I am so blessed.

I have to share my blessings with others.
I have so much love in my heart,

that I just have to give it away

or my heart shall surely explode.

I need Africa.

there's just no question about it.

Abilene Christian University

I bought the sweatshirt; things must be serious.

This past weekend, I visited Abilene Christian University with my mom and sister. And I have to admit, it was pretty great. I hadn't been to Abilene in the longest time and this time, I actually paid attention to the drive. The four hours in the car really weren't that bad and I got to drive.

Overall though, it was good. Mom, Lauren, and I toured campus Friday morning, and excluding our obnoxious tour guide (Myles was a talker), it was fantastic. The campus is beautiful and my aunt and uncle don't live too far away. The dorm rooms were really big and I felt comfortable on campus. The food was good and the Communication Sciences and Disorders advisor pleasant. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I even bought a sweatshirt. Now, I have an NYU shirt, a Texas State shirt, and about SEVEN Baylor shirts, but never have I bought a SWEATSHIRT! So I now officially have an ACU sweatshirt and it makes me happy.

Basically, I think I'm going to Abilene! Currently, ACU is the way to go!

Another reason I'm really excited to go to Abilene is that some of my family lives there. My mom's sister and all of her kids. All three of her kids are married and two of them have kids, so I can't wait to be around them. My cousin Erin actually started jumping up and down when she found out that I'll probably end up in Abilene; I love them all so much, I can't wait to live near them so I can see them all the time.

Oh! and I loved seeing my sister again. Recently, we've been seeing so much of her and it's fantastic! This weekend, she met me and mom in Abilene on Thursday night and spent one night before heading back to Fort Worth. We had a blast; Lauren and I slept in this little double bed together and let mom have the big queen sized all to herself and we talked a lot before going to sleep. It felt like having a sleep over with my older sister. I like having her around as both my sister and my friend. I like reaching this age when people actually enjoy me, i.e. becoming friends with my sister and cousins (all of whom are older than me).

In conclusion, ACU was amazing.

I bought the sweatshirt, therefore I'm basically obligated to go now.

senior year

This is my senior year of high school. It's almost over. So I've decided to start a blog now so people can keep in touch with me once I graduate and move onto college.

So what's happening now? Well, I'm working on my scholarship and college applications, trying to make that monumental decision of where I will go to college. I honestly don't think that it's fair that people my age, have to make decisions which will change their lives forever. It's so much pressure; we have so many choices to make- public or private? should I go for my dream or be financially savvy? how much debt am I willing to go into in order to get a good education? what will my monthly loan payments be for the next 15 years? what will I do with my life? how far is too far away? am I good enough to go to that school? will they accept me? will I raise my class rank at all? There's so much pressure, it's a miracle anyone gets through it to walk across that stage and know that you're succeeding not just because of your own hard work, but because of your parents, your teachers, your friends and family. You just want to make them proud.

So currently, I have applied to four universities:

• Baylor University
  
• Abilene Christian University
• University of Mary Hardin-Baylor
• Texas State University- San Marcos

Now, if you've ever even spoken to me before, you'll know that Baylor University is my dream school. I've been talking about going there all of my life, and guess what? I got accepted to Baylor! Now comes the hard part of deciding if I want to go into debt for the rest of my life, and to be honest, I don't. But I feel like I'm intentionally letting my dream die, so it's a struggle to make that decision, but I honestly don't believe I will be attending Baylor in the fall. When I received that letter on Friday, cradled in heavy green cardstock announcing that I had been accepted to join the Baylor Class of 2013, I felt honored to have been accepted, but I didn't feel like it would be a reality. I believe that God has a greater plan for me than I had for myself and that going to Baylor would be holding me back. Instead, I'm looking into Abilene Christian University. There I can get a good scholarship based on my ACT score (which was a 31- and I'm retaking in December) and it offers the major I'm interested in- which is Communication Sciences and Disorders. So mom and I will be visiting ACU next Friday and I'll be making some decisions.