the library.

I have just now discovered the bottom floor of the ACU library. As pathetic as that sounds, I hadn't even explored any part of the library except for the commons area (aka where the Starbucks is) until this semester. And I must say, I love it down here! I get so much work done and I've found so many books to read and discovered that ACU has a wealth of books about Africa. I'm so excited! For some reason, writing this blog about the library has made me feel like I'm becoming my sister... but whatever, I'm cool with becoming Lauren 2.0. :)

So basically, the moral of the story is: I love the library.

and flash cards.

skype dates

words

letters

telegrams

telephones

e-mail

video chat.

what a wonderful invention...

talking from states away,

making llama faces at each other,

basically, I love skype.

and all the glorious things that

come of it :)

going back.

highs and lows.
ups and downs.

always twisting,
always moving.

Driving down the winding roads to San Antonio, to go home, was wonderful. I had had a horrible week, and was really looking forward to being somewhere comfortable and familiar, with people I love and who love me in return.

And I wasn't disappointed.

Just spending time with my people -- my people -- was refreshing, renewing.
I saw my best friends,
I hugged my best friends,
I rejoiced in the having of my best friends.
I appreciated them even more
than I ever had before.

and now? now, I'm back in Abilene.
and I'm way happier than I have been.
after a wonderful weekend at home,
a weekend of rest and renewal,
I am able to be myself. I'm able
to cope with my problems and
be confident and friendly.
and it's wonderful.

so up and down.
high and low.
whatever.
I'll live.

getting married? having kids? whoa.

I am growing up.
I am growing up.
I am growing up.

whoa.

I'm actually able to
start thinking about
getting married.
about having kids.
and it's not completely
ridiculous.

I could be married within
like 5 years and it wouldn't
be freakishly weird.

this clip from scrubs
makes me think
and kind of makes me
want to start that part
of my life sooner rather
than later.

an appalling little tidbit

I discovered, realized recently, that what I pay to go to this lovely university, or what I would be paying without scholarships, is above and beyond (sometimes almost double) the poverty line in America. All I can think is: wow, why do I deserve this?

my new dandelion

I'm a dreamer,

a thinker,

and a doer.

But mostly,

I'm a wisher.

I wish for a better world.

I wish for safety.

I wish for love.

I wish for success.

I wish to make friends.

I wish to be a change.

Wishing is just something

I've always done.

blowing on the dandelion

& wishing for rain.

blowing out my birthday candles,

wishing for the perfect gift.

&now, I see a clock and it

says 11:11 and I wish that

you're looking at a clock too

and wishing for me,

thinking of me.

my last night

tonight is my last night to:

sleep in my own bed.

have dinner with my family.

live permanently in my parents' home.

snuggle with my pup.

be dependent.

I've packed up all of my things --

all of the stuff that I call "my life."

I've neatly folded and washed every piece of

clothing and sheets and towels.

I've stowed every special thing I own

and hold dear to my heart in some box

to be taped up and stuck in my car in the morning.

out, on, and up.

moving out.

moving on.

growing up.

As of Saturday, I will be living in the dorm.

As of August 24th, I'll be a real college kid.

I feel like it's practicing for the real thing.

For when I'm really truly out in the world;

when I'm truly independent and on my own.

And it's scary and exciting and I'm ecstatic that it's here.

So I've said goodbye to all my friends;

hugged each and every one.

And I'm finally ready.

I'm ready to rock and live life.

but tonight is still the last.

and it's still bittersweet.

so good night dear room,

with all my precious things,

I'll miss you all too soon.